My Advice for Mommy's To Be...The Version You Want To Hear.

Let me tell you ladies this, I know the struggle is real when it comes to hearing advice when your expecting. The unsolicited advice for mommy's to be from friends and family, the constant nagging throughout your pregnancy of what you should and shouldn't be doing, the lack of sleep they talk about over and over again that you're about to experience and the belly touching without asking. It drives us all nuts from time to time. In my opinion some advice is nice especially if you have no clue what your doing. However, some people just take it too far and then we just stop listening. Parenting is definitely a life changing experience and there are parts that advice is helpful! However, we all have own ways of parenting and it's a learning experience as you go. I wanted to make this post to share things and advice from my own personal experiences throughout my pregnancy and postpartum, advice that is more helpful and not the kind you get from the 80 year-old from the grocery store.

Take care of yourself postpartum

I speak wholeheartedly when I say this. Postpartum is a very humbling experience. I'm not going to say that is hard however it is a learning experience. While of course, it is so important for us to take care of our babies we also need to take care of ourselves. I listened to this advice but I truly and honestly never took care of myself postpartum. I put so much of myself into my son to the point where when it came to myself I let myself go. I wish I took care of myself more. I wish I could go back and start over when it comes to self-care postpartum mostly because I lost myself and let postpartum anxiety and depression take over me. Make sure you take the time to shower, read a book, find a slow hobby to do that is relaxing, something that you like, and eat healthy. When you are able to taking walks outside, sitting in the sunshine, and most importantly having a friend to rely on that doesn't mind helping out with household chores or the baby if you are comfortable with it.

Soak it all in

I remember being told this from a lot of seasoned mom's and I honestly ignored it and you might ignore it too. However, during this time many of us are just in pilot mode. Just riding the wave until we feel like ourselves again. This time feels like it goes by so slow and it can feel so long with the lack of sleep we experience and the hormonal changes but I promise you the change in mindset when you just soak in all the good moments and the little things will not only help you recover faster mentally and emotionally in the long run you will still hold these memories with you. The newborn stage really does go by so fast and I have very few memories from when my son was a newborn because I just sticked it in pilot mode the entire time. Take the pictures, enjoy the little scrunches, and the cuddles. Relax in those moments. It truly goes by so fast.

Don't feel guilty for co-sleeping

Many doctors and people will try to tell you not to co-sleep and how awful it is and how it affects your baby's health and yours. You can practice safe co-sleeping without increasing the risk of SIDS and overall many mothers can agree that they sleep so much better and feel more at ease co-sleeping. When we co-slept (we still do and he is 3 haha)I ended up putting his crib up to our bed and taking off the one side so that it was attached to the bed and he could sleep their through the night and whenever he woke up I could grab him to nurse or change him. Whichever way you choose to sleep with your baby don't let anyone make you feel guilty for it! Another word of advice if you plan on co-sleeping for an extended time. My son is 3 and still comes to sleep with us and honestly most of the time it is me grabbing him because I can't sleep without him or he can't sleep without me. So when you start good luck stopping. Hahaha. It doesn't always go as planned.

Feeding your baby

The only advice I will offer for feeding your baby is do what you believe is best. If you want to breastfeed, go for it! If you want to to do formula, go for it! That is your decision no matter what anyone else tells you and I'll be honest I breastfed my son and it's been a wonderful journey but I am thinking about formula feeding our next or using donor milk. Mostly because I nursed for so long and it wore me out and to be honest I don't want to imagine going through it again. However, it is a wonderful journey! Has it's ups and downs and some of us can nurse for a long time and some can't. The journey is not the same for us all!

Stock up on bigger size diapers or ask for them at your baby shower

When I tell y'all we had so many newborn diapers....SO MANY... to the point I could have supplied enough for my community. I'm not even kidding. Of course, we should stock up on a few boxes of newborn diapers but they won't be in them for very long. Stock up on the bigger sizes like the 1's through the 5's. All babies are different and some are in some sizes longer than others! The few sizes my son was in for the longest were the 1's, 3's and 4's. I will give you this tip too with diapering and it is a money saver though it is more work. Cloth diapers. With cloth diapers you don't have to keep running to the store for diapers! They work for all sizes! If you do go this route, I would grab probably 50 diapers or more. This will also depend on how often you do laundry and if you are going all in or still buying the disposable diapers. You can find them on amazon!

You don't really need all the baby products everyone recommends!

You will hear a lot about what you need and don't need but I always so go with your gut! Some parents use all the things people recommend and some don't! It's all about what works best with your baby.

How to prepare for birth

Half of the advice I got about birth I wish I never listened to. Most of it wasn't even helpful. It more so, just scared me. I literally had family members and friends tell me I most likely wouldn't be able to have a baby naturally because I was small. Not only this but some that even made me fear giving birth because I was small. The only advice I have about birth is don't forget a hairbrush and your self-care products for you. Whatever you want to bring that will help you! Music, essential oils, books to read, makeup, and things to keep your mind busy. Really all you need for your baby is an outfit to come home in. The hospital literally provides everything else. When I had my son I brought so much unneeded things for him and I laugh about it now. I brought an entire pack of diapers, a bunch of outfits and pretty much everything you would bring for a weeks stay but ended up literally just using the one outfit for him and that was it. Nothing else. Funny thing is I didn't bring any self care products for myself and I forgot a hairbrush. This is why I say this experience is humbling. You think your prepared and have it all under control but then things happen that show you we all don't. Ha ha.

Another thing, I think this is the most important do your research and speak your needs and wants to your nurses and doctors!! Research on everything you will go through for birth and even for the emergencies. Even asking other mom's about c-sections. Really when you go in you have to be prepared for anything. Honestly, birth's do not always go as planned. I still had my son naturally however, certain things didn't go as planned for us. I ended up getting the epidural and thought I wouldn't need to. I wanted to have him in a crouched position but they put me on my back. He ended up having a NICU stay for a few days due to low oxygen. Having him at 41 weeks I wasn't expecting that. So even if you are full term it can still happen! Overall, just prepare for the unexpected and most importantly stay as calm as you can to help your birth go smoother!

Don't be afraid to ask for help

I find this a lot easier to say than do. I will share this with you guys though. Having extra sets of hands around will be your biggest blessing. My husband deployed as our son turned 6 weeks old and our friends and family at the time were all on the east coast and the friends that I did have at the time on the west coast had a duty station change or were also on deployments. It was ROUGH. I didn't have the extra set of hands and I for awhile pushed through it. This in turn made my PPD AND PPA so much worse. I broke down and asked for help on my community page and fellow spouses from my husband's boat at that time and boy did I get that help and it was the biggest blessing. I made wonderful friends and they helped me through the hardest moment of my life.

Lastly,

The last thing that I will add in this advice is to journal and scrapbook your precious moments throughout your pregnancy and your baby's first year of life. I wish I did this with our son I had all of the materials to do it but never got around to it. It's something not only you can cherish but something for them when they are older. My mom did this with me when I was a baby and I'm honestly so thankful she did! I love looking back on those memories and surely our children will too when they are older! Journal for you and share your experiences throughout your pregnancy and share them with your child when they are older and preparing to have their first child. I am planning on making both the scrapbook and and journals for my future children. I truly wish you all the best throughout your pregnancies and births. I hope that this advice gives you some ease and truly know we all have expectations throughout the parenting journey but even with these expectations we have to give ourselves some grace and understand that as Chili from Bluey says " We all fail mum school sometimes" and a word of advice if you haven't started watching Bluey yet go ahead and start because it will not only e your babies favorite show but yours too!

Feel free to reach out if you have any additional questions or comments that I didn't answer here! Comment below or e-mail me at brookesspace8@gmail.com